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This is where you can talk to me about anything.

I will make posts and you can comment on them as I make them.

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I just realized there is a 3 minute wait between being able to comment. I have no control over this. It is apparently in the template for the blog, and I can't find where it is. If anyone can suggest where to look so I can change it, please let me know.

Thanks again for visiting.

Posted By SqueakeyCat

 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

Many of You Already Know Just Where Exit 69 is on I-75 in Michigan:


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat
If you need me today, I'm afraid I will be unavailable. I am going to be standing in front of a mirror practicing this look. And once I have it mastered... I should be able to get away with absolutely ANYTHING!


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat
Little Johnny and His Father were walking down the street one day, and two Ladies bumped into one another in front of them.

The one Lady looked at the other and yelled "You Bitch!" Stunned, the other Lady yelled out, "You Old Bag."

Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to His Dad. "Dad, what are Bags and Bitches?"

"Oh, that's just another name for old Women," replied His Dad.

"Oh, okay," said Johnny.

The two make it on home and Little Johnny follows His Dad up to the bathroom to watch His Daddy shave.

While shaving, Little Johnny's Dad cuts himself. "Oh Shit!" He said.

"Daddy, what's Shit?" asked Little Johnny.

"Oh, that's just another name for shaving Yourself," replied His Father.

Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find His Mother cooking a turkey. As His Mother reached into the oven, She burnt Her hand. "Fuck!" She yells.

"Mom, what's Fuck?" questioned Johnny.

Startled that He had heard Her, She quickly said, "That's just another word for cooking the turkey."

"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as He runs to the door. He opened the door to find a group of old Ladies doing house-to-house evangelism.

"Hello young Man. Are Your parents home?" asked the front Lady.

Little Johnny replied, "Hello you old Bags and Bitches, My Dad's upstairs Shitting himself and My Mom's in the kitchen Fucking the turkey."

 
Posted By SqueakeyCat
Teaching Sex Education

A Teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with Her fourth grade class because She realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the Teacher asks for examples of what they had just learned in sex education from the class.

One little Boy raises His hand, "I saw a Bird in Her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," said the Teacher.

"Last week My Mommy had a Baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the Teacher.

Finally, little Johnny raises his hand.

With much fear and trepidation, the Teacher calls on Him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger." "He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians." "And, they all attacked at one time." "And He killed every one of them with His two guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "But, what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"

He said, "It'll teach those Indians not to Fuck with the Lone Ranger."

 
Posted By SqueakeyCat
Little Johnny and His two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.

The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool, He can eat four Burgers at one meal."

The second one says, "That's nothing, My Daddy can eat six."

Little Johnny starts laughing and says, "Well, My Daddy can eat light bulbs."

The other two boys tell Johnny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His Daddy can eat light bulbs.

Little Johnny replies, "Last night I was passing My Parents room and I heard My Daddy say, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing!'"

 
Posted By SqueakeyCat
Little Johnny Can Use the Word, "Beautiful" in a Sentence

The fourth grade teacher asks, can You use the word, "Beautiful" in a sentence?

Very enthusiastically, Little Johnny says, " I can teacher, I can even use it two times in a sentence!"

"Why, I'd like to hear that Johnny," says the Teacher.

So, Little Johnny begins, "Last night at the dinner table My big Sister told My Dad that She was pregnant and all My Father could say was, 'Beautiful...just fucking Beautiful.'"

 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

More miracles grow at our feet than drop from heaven.
Jesus fed 5,000 people on five barley loaves and two small fish. So why do I have trouble feeding one little family on five bags of groceries?
We're called to salt the earth with God's love, but some would rather pepper the world with criticism.
If you're headed in the wrong direction on the highway of life, God allows U- Turns.
God still works miracles.
Some people, like angels, leave a hint of heaven whereever they go.
Dr. God has a prescription for stress- - it's called prayer.
The problem I thought too light to put in God's hands became a problem too heavy for my shoulders.
PLAN AHEAD! There wasn't a cloud in the sky when Noah started building the ark.


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

You remember the Original Holly wood Squares and its quick-witted silly comics? Then You may enjoy these oldies:

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, wh at would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

A little Girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on Your lap?" Why sure You can," Her Grandfather replied. As She is sitting on Granddad's lap She says, "Grandpa, can You make a sound like a frog?" "A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog." "The Girl says, "Ok Grandpa, will You please MAKE a sound like a frog?" Perplexed, Her Granddad says, "Sweetheart, why do You want Me to make a sound like a frog?" And the little Girl says, "'Cause Grandma said that when You croak, we're going to Florida!"


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

How to Tell if Your Mansion (Mobile Home) is Haunted:

1. A can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.

2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.

3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet.

5. That '72 Camaro in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself.

6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'.

7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon.

8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.

9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.

10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight.

11. Your Dale Earnhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin.

13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart."

14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib--no wait that's Jim-Bob.

15. You hear strange moaning-but only during Shania Twain videos.

16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.

17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail.

19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race."

20. Instead of saying "boo" the ghost says "boo-ya'll!"

21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin... and he's peeing on YOU!!

22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them.

23. The folks on Jerry Springer discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own.

24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because Richard Simmons is on TV.

25. You come home one day and it's clean.


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old Son in their small apartment was to send Him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell Him to report on all the neighborhood activities. So, the Boy began His commentary as His Parents put their plan into operation, "Somebody's car is being towed from the parking lot", He shouted. A few moments passed ... "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's are having company", He called out. "Wow! Matt's riding a new bike....." A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving." "Jason is on His skate board...." A few more moments later, "It looks like the Carters are having sex!!" Startled, his Mom and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do You know they are having sex?" "Because, Bobby Carter is standing on His balcony with a Popsicle, too."


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

Listed are 101 musings for all to read. Hope you enjoy them. I got these on a deck of cards that I have.

You cannot change the truth, but the truth can change you.
Life is like a cup of coffee: Sometimes you have to go through the grind, but God fills it up with a special blend.
Jesus comes with a lifetime guarantee.
God...You Rock! (Psalms 62:2)
Why is it exhausting to sit in church for one hour, but exhilarating to sit in front of the tv for three?
When we start kneeling down, things start looking up.
Jesus is the reason for the...well...for everything!
When we don't see every day with the eyes of faith, we're blind to everyday miracles.
A lot of people claim they speak for Jesus, but I'd rather open the Bible and let Him speak for Himself.
When I get in a jam, it's usually because I've been picking forbidden fruit.
Do the math: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given When feeling sheepish, turn to the Shepherd.
God is the Author of life...and like any author, he receives rejection notices.
Q: What's the recommended vitamin for Christians? A: B1
Sometimes miracles fall from heaven...but most of the time, they're right at our feet.
The Holy Spirit gives His gifts of Love, Joy, and Peace free of charge...yet most people go elsewhere to buy them.
Some people get frustrated because they can't do everything...so they end up doing nothing.
God wants to be a part of every little bitty teeny tiny itsy bitsy thing in your day. (sorry, but I can't get this to size the way I want it to, so bear with me...lol)
Where there's a long row to hoe, remember: He's still in charge of the garden.
You're on His calendar today.
"Send me!" "Send me!" sounded so exciting...until God replied, "OK, I Will."
A Dandelion is a simple weed or a splendid flower, depending on how you look at it.
Being a Christian isn't a postition, it's a process.
If you're struggling to keep an even keel, let Him take over the oars for a while.
A thankful heart is one that's grace- full for all its blessings.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock (Revelation 3:20 KJV). Most of the time, we pretend we're not home.
If I want Jesus to guide my footsteps, I have to get up off the chair and start walking.
Be stubborn--never move out of the way.
When life lets you down, God lifts you up.
If God kept a family photo album, your picture would be in it.
God's office hours: 24/7. Always Open.
Deep-seated troubles and long-standing trials are best handled in knee- bending prayer.
God invites us to drop our burden on Him. And unlike the dry cleaning, we don't have to pick it up again.
Your Father is waiting for you to call.
Harboring a grudge is like going in debt--the pay-back on both takes a lot out of you.
A car and my mouth have one thing in common--both can run people down (NOT ME...sry ppl, but this one is NOT me)...lol
The Top Ten List is not a modern invention (speaking of the 10 Commandments)
There's rarely a bellhop at the door of opportunity, so it pays to push it open.
More is accomplished by folding the hands than by wringing them.
If life were a do-it-yourself project, God would not have left instructions.
God calls the qualified and qualifies the called...which sort of wipes out all my excuses (not mine...lmao)
Sometimes avoiding sin is just a matter of NO-ing.
God was my co-pilot until I realized I'd better let Him do the driving.
When I'm tempted to laugh at someone else, I just look into the mirror and find all the material I need.
Avoid truth decay--brush up on the Bible daily.
Directions from here to heaven can be found in Genesis through Revelation.


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat

Due to a power outage, only one Paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the Paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old Girl, to hold a flashlight high over Her Mommy so He could see while He helped deliver the Baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as She was asked. Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The Paramedic lifted Him by His little feet and spanked Him on His bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for Her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what She thought about what She had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack His Ass again!"

TYPICAL 3 YEAR OLD


 
Posted By SqueakeyCat


 


 
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